Nicolas Cage Sex Photos Are Floating Around Somewhere

Sex photos of Nicolas Cage and his ex-girlfriend Christina Fulton are apparently floating around out there just waiting to be found. It’s not clear what exactly is going down in the photos, but if we know Nicolas Cage like we think we do, it’s probably him going down.

Apparently, the pictures were stolen by a former handyman who broke into Fulton’s house in April and stole four computers and a special box containing a bunch of sexy photos.

The interesting part of this story (besides possibly seeing Nicolas Cage’s penis) is the fact that police have caught the suspect. His name is Ricardo Orozco, he was arrested last month and he was charged with felony burglary. For some reason he’s being held on $1 MILLION bail, which seems a little high for the crime he committed.

Anyway, the good news is that the photos have not been found. The man has been arrested, but no one knows where the photos are. It’s like when a suspect hides a dead body and refuses to tell the police where it is, except in this case the dead body is Nicolas Cage’s semen shooter.

I know it’s wrong of me, but I really want to see these photos. I know it’s an invasion of privacy and all of that, but it’s Nicolas Cage!

The Nicolas “NOT THE BEES!!!!” Cage!